Why?

I don't get it...why do things happen? Why do people come and go? Why don't we understand why those things happen? I can't stop thinking about it now, and I don't like thinking about it. It's confusing and so, so sad...

I don't know what to say. I'm never good when things like this happen. I just wanna...I don't know. I'm sorry to Brendan, to Lish, to everyone who knew her. I wish things weren't so messed up in the world...so fucking messed up, and confusing, and wrong...

-Madison

Ugh...

I feel really, really shitty now. The thing our school was doing, raising that money...my class was just doing it for that pizza party. Part of me was, too. We just wanted to win, so we gave our money without even thinking about who and what it was for. And we were thinking that if we lost it'd be so horrid...we weren't thinking about how good $423 was for the cause. We just hoped it was enough for our class to win, to be top dog.

Our school raised over $2,300 dollars for a thing that was called Pennies For Paitents. We raised that much because all of us wanted pizza. We're so damn selfish...

Now all I can think is this - our school raised more than two thousand dollars for leukemia patients. Two thousand dollars that is going to a cause. Two thousand dollars that we should have given up willingly, and WITHOUT the incentive of a party. Two thousand dollars that is now part of saving lives and helping families...

Two thousand dollars that DIDN'T GET THERE SOON ENOUGH.

I feel like trash. It hurts to think about it...how stupid we were...how much we take life for granted...

I'm sorry Brendan.

-Madison

Dreams...

Jessi was telling me about a dream she had...where all of us (which means me, her, Lish, Jed, Vinny, Brendan and Jennifer's random dream boyfriend) turned into puppets and we were in LA and Angel was still a puppet. And everyone else was puppets too...and then we went to Sesame Street and we started calling Big Bird bad names (Jessi started it by calling him an ass) and we pull Elmo to the side and say 'You know you can have your own show...but we gotta kill Big Bird.'

So we put cyanide in Big Bird's BIG birdseed...and he explodes...so then the grouch and Jed get into a fight...and grouch messes up Jed's hair and Jed curls into a little ball and starts twitching, and Vinny has to make him get up. And Jed gets out a mirror and says 'Hmm...I like it messed up.' then I got to yell (as a puppet) 'HEY! IT'S SPIKE SEX HAIR!'

And lo and behold Spike comes in - as a puppet. He's mad at Jed for stealing his hair doo...then Big Bird comes back together and BUFFY comes...but she ain't a puppet, and she stakes Big Bird...and he falls to dust and a pile of feathers...

Yes. I was laughing through that whole thing.

I'm a cheered up now.

"That's one fucked up cookie." -My dad about the low fat Oreos.

"Damn those prarie dogs!" -Layton during a video about aliens and how they could exist but they might be hiding underground or something.

Jessi helps a lot. Lol.

-Maddy