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[perididdle]

WriYe Wisdom: Ways To Make a Story for English Class Good

1) Turn it in.
2) Even if you don't think it's "good enough" to turn in.
3) Don't ask senile old people.
4) Spelling should be checked, numerous times. Not by Nell.
5) Gay sex is not good; heterosexual sex is just as bad, if not worse. (DO NOT, under any circumstances, use "raging hard man tool" or "warm female core" in a sentence, especially not in the same one.)
6) Don't delete something that you're trying to edit, and then walk away.
7) Grammar should be checked, numerous times. Not by Nell.
8) Don't do an assignment in haiku, iambic pentameter, sonnets, or heroic couplets.
9) Do not copy Chaucer, Shakespeare, Dante, or whatever classical literary genius you can think of.
10) Do not use any of the following: cum, fuck, shit, bitch, or douchebag.
11) Make obscure references to anything and everything you can think of, the more popular the better. (I.E. Random anime characters, random pop songs, random old songs (Invincible--Pat Benetar), Shakespeare, Beowulf, Chaucer, religion, video games, "Simple and Clean.")
12) Do not, under any circumstances, write anything that may make your teacher seek psychiatric help for you. (I.E. suicide, rape, death, or dying)
13) Do not use the phrase "crimson blood" more than twice.
14) Do not insult the teacher in an obvious manner.
15) Do not insult the teacher in a subtle manner. He/she will manage to find out. Always.
16) Bullshit. (For successful BS'ing, go to Nell's school. Or, if this is impossible, be taught by Nell.)
17) Insert random WriYe chatters.
18) When in doubt, use big words.
19) Tell the teacher exactly what he/she wants to hear.
20) Listen to Laura, or, in fact, any of the Texas Trio.
21) Make the teacher believe that he/she is the genius that taught you everything you know.
22) Time travel is only acceptable once.
23) Have fun with Woody Allen quotes.
24) 42. (42 is the answer to everything. Always. And there is no other number besides 42, or at least there shouldn't be.)
25) The mice are always right.
26) Listen to the little voices that tell you special facts.
27) Invest in Snapple bottle lids.
28) Introduce two characters who are obviously from a fandom, and make them fall in love and/or have sex. (Fade outs are your friend.)
29) Hamsters.
30) Use this line only once: "like a gerbil on acid hopped up on viagra was the way he made me feel."
31) Insult Bush. Obscurely. (I.E. Insert a character choking on a pretzel.)
32) Mention leather clothes at least once.
33) Magic.
34) Write after ingesting plenty of caffiene.
35) Write a story that can be described as "funny and cute." Especially popular with young female teachers.
36) Ask Nell and QS for story ideas, specifying that they're for a school assignment.
37) Always include a random controversial issue.
38) Always remember: talking animals are your friends.
39) Stereotype everything. Bad=black, dark colors. Good=white, light colors.
40) Make everything have deep, philosophical, metaphorical meaning and symbolism.
41) Work in a random mathematical problem.
42) Have a character suffer from a random non-fatal disease that he/she hates with a passion.
43) Include one paranoid character. (I.E. Someone who wears aluminum hats, has aluminum blinds, and truly believes that everyone and everything is out to get them.)
44) Rework random historical battles.
45) Use as many words from other languages as you know.
46) Avoid flashbacks.
47) Ask your teacher if they like cliches: if they don't, avoid them; if they do, work in as many as possible.
48) Metaphors are good, but don't use too many.

From this wonderful post. http://www.livejournal.com/users/queenstrata/234842.html

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-Maddy