Momness...
Oct. 9th, 2004 08:22 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
perididdleSO I went to my friends' Junior Miss Rodeo Queen Missouri pageant today. Oh, GOD, do they need to make a reality show out of that. Rodeo Queen kids, and horse show families. Damn, we're just dysfunctional.
Near the end of the day I called my house to tell my dad I'd be at the barn in about two hours so he could pick me up. Mom answered. Big hunk of the convo was "Hello?" "Hello!" because mom couldn't figure out to say something else, and I was messing with her, and after a bit I thought she couldn't hear me. *Shrug* Then we talked a little about someone coming to pick me up, and the plans changed so I would go to Mrs. Luebbert's house. I tell her, "Well, okay, now it's Terri's house in around two hours." "So Terri's house in two hours." "Yep, that's what I said." and she completely ripped out SCREAMING at me over the phone about how she doesn't deserve that, I shouldn't talk to her like that, she's my mother and she deserves more respect than that. Total, full out, bitchy screaming. All I could do was say I was sorry in counteract with the yelling, then she hung up. Everyone heard it, and I kinda threw the phone into the seat in front of me and broke down...then got better until Dad called saying Mom thinks I hate her...
Get home...I don't look at her because I really hate crying in front of people, and she kind of just made it happen...and she's just...
"Why do you hate me so much?"
"MOM, I don't. I'm sorry if you had a bad day, or something happened at work, but it's not my fault. It's not. I'm sorry. And I'm 13, I'm gonna make mistakes, I'm gonna misread your voice, I'm gonna be impatient and sarcastic, and I'm sorry if that made you think that I hated you, because I don't. *Note she almost started to move towards me, but I kind of had gotten fed up with her spazzing and bitching me out for no reason* And you always talk to me like that."
"NO! YOU TALK TO ME LIKE THAT! You act like you hate me and that I'm the most stupid, ridiculous person on the face of the earth!"
"I'm sorry! I don't mean to. I don't hate you, and I don't think your stupid, and I'm sorry if the things that I've done made you think that, okay? I'm sorry for everything I've ever said, does THAT MAKE YOU HAPPY?" *She just stares, and I shook my head and ran downstairs*
Curled up in a corner and cried...sat on my hands...she calls me up ten minutes later and we talk and she says that it feels like I've started hating her the past few weeks. I lost it kind of and went off on a mini rant about these stupid tests, the idiotic homework assignments, people getting sick, people leaving, coming back, divorces, fights...all the stuff that I'm somehow connected to...and at first she gave me this "You don't have to feel sorry for any of that." and I almost hit her. I swear I did. I had to explain to her that Cassie, Stormey, Marisa, Hannah, Jessie, Jessi...all my friends at school mean a lot to me. And then she tried to stop me when I came down here again, and I told her that the people here probably mean more to me than anyone that I see every single day. And that, yeah, I guess I could ignore things that happen when they don't immediately pertain to me, but if someone here is worried about something, or something happens, I'm gonna try to do something to help. May not be much more than a '*uggle*' and someone to rant to, but god I hate seeing people hurting...
So she heard that (I got more specific...but I don't remember half of the stuff I said, basically anything that happened in the past year in a half. Kinda worried her, I think. Grand) and kind of calmed down and said she was sorry and we both should work on it...and I all agreed and then she gave me oreos and milk and I came down here. *nod*
So, yes, I had a partially shitty day. Not to mention Sarah being kind of a bitch when it comes to Cassie competing agaings Kelsey in these queen pageants, and that whole family...but that kind of tones down at the barn, so that's good.
Good notes...Catty and her pregnant friend rode today...note the Catty putting her on the quietest, slowest horse in the barn and in a western saddle, so they were safer...and it cheered the poor girl up, she's a complete and total mess. I feel bad for her.
And Josie is about to pop. Really. She's due the middle of November, and she wants those twins out NOW. Hell she can't even walk anymore, all she can do is look pitifully at Seth whenever she needs something. Awww. *Uggles*
-Maddy
Near the end of the day I called my house to tell my dad I'd be at the barn in about two hours so he could pick me up. Mom answered. Big hunk of the convo was "Hello?" "Hello!" because mom couldn't figure out to say something else, and I was messing with her, and after a bit I thought she couldn't hear me. *Shrug* Then we talked a little about someone coming to pick me up, and the plans changed so I would go to Mrs. Luebbert's house. I tell her, "Well, okay, now it's Terri's house in around two hours." "So Terri's house in two hours." "Yep, that's what I said." and she completely ripped out SCREAMING at me over the phone about how she doesn't deserve that, I shouldn't talk to her like that, she's my mother and she deserves more respect than that. Total, full out, bitchy screaming. All I could do was say I was sorry in counteract with the yelling, then she hung up. Everyone heard it, and I kinda threw the phone into the seat in front of me and broke down...then got better until Dad called saying Mom thinks I hate her...
Get home...I don't look at her because I really hate crying in front of people, and she kind of just made it happen...and she's just...
"Why do you hate me so much?"
"MOM, I don't. I'm sorry if you had a bad day, or something happened at work, but it's not my fault. It's not. I'm sorry. And I'm 13, I'm gonna make mistakes, I'm gonna misread your voice, I'm gonna be impatient and sarcastic, and I'm sorry if that made you think that I hated you, because I don't. *Note she almost started to move towards me, but I kind of had gotten fed up with her spazzing and bitching me out for no reason* And you always talk to me like that."
"NO! YOU TALK TO ME LIKE THAT! You act like you hate me and that I'm the most stupid, ridiculous person on the face of the earth!"
"I'm sorry! I don't mean to. I don't hate you, and I don't think your stupid, and I'm sorry if the things that I've done made you think that, okay? I'm sorry for everything I've ever said, does THAT MAKE YOU HAPPY?" *She just stares, and I shook my head and ran downstairs*
Curled up in a corner and cried...sat on my hands...she calls me up ten minutes later and we talk and she says that it feels like I've started hating her the past few weeks. I lost it kind of and went off on a mini rant about these stupid tests, the idiotic homework assignments, people getting sick, people leaving, coming back, divorces, fights...all the stuff that I'm somehow connected to...and at first she gave me this "You don't have to feel sorry for any of that." and I almost hit her. I swear I did. I had to explain to her that Cassie, Stormey, Marisa, Hannah, Jessie, Jessi...all my friends at school mean a lot to me. And then she tried to stop me when I came down here again, and I told her that the people here probably mean more to me than anyone that I see every single day. And that, yeah, I guess I could ignore things that happen when they don't immediately pertain to me, but if someone here is worried about something, or something happens, I'm gonna try to do something to help. May not be much more than a '*uggle*' and someone to rant to, but god I hate seeing people hurting...
So she heard that (I got more specific...but I don't remember half of the stuff I said, basically anything that happened in the past year in a half. Kinda worried her, I think. Grand) and kind of calmed down and said she was sorry and we both should work on it...and I all agreed and then she gave me oreos and milk and I came down here. *nod*
So, yes, I had a partially shitty day. Not to mention Sarah being kind of a bitch when it comes to Cassie competing agaings Kelsey in these queen pageants, and that whole family...but that kind of tones down at the barn, so that's good.
Good notes...Catty and her pregnant friend rode today...note the Catty putting her on the quietest, slowest horse in the barn and in a western saddle, so they were safer...and it cheered the poor girl up, she's a complete and total mess. I feel bad for her.
And Josie is about to pop. Really. She's due the middle of November, and she wants those twins out NOW. Hell she can't even walk anymore, all she can do is look pitifully at Seth whenever she needs something. Awww. *Uggles*
-Maddy
